Heartless
by SirenMistress
Summary: AU FTL. Regina is a mother, she's given birth to a gurgling mass, but her secret love, Emma didn't allow her to keep the child. Now 37 years later she has some secrets to share and a plea to see her daughter. Will Emma cave or will she refuse as she has time and time again?
1. Chapter 1

**Title: Heartless**

**Category: Once upon a time**

**Pairing: Emma Swan &amp; Regina Mills/the Evil Queen**

**Ship name: Swan Queen**

**Summary: AU FTL. Regina is a mother, she's given birth to a daughter, but her secret love, Emma didn't allow her to keep the child. Now 37 years later she has some secrets to share and a plea to see her child. Will Emma cave or will she refuse as she has time and time again? (TWO-SHOT)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own ONCE UPON A TIME or its original characters**

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I lay atop the mattress and breathed in deeply, my long dark hair fanning out on the pillow shining with the rays of light that escaped the setting sun. The day was ending and I knew I had things to do, I had a duty to go about, but the one duty I was entitled to, I had a right to, was forbidden for me to perform.

I was lost in thought when I felt the bed shift beside me. I closed my eyes and turned away from the intruder, taking another deep breath which filled my lungs with lavender and cinnamon. The scent reminded me of the day before the winter snow would fall and the birds would sing their last song and the flowers would perform its last bloom before they all settled in for the season. She smelt like the last day of hope before everything frosted over.

"What are you thinking about?" she asked, her soft mature voice sounding like a familiar melody against my bare ear.

"Something" I bluntly replied. I felt the bed shift again and dip as she lay down next to me. It seems my harsh tone has done nothing to offend her. Well seeing as how I usually rudely dismiss her this probably looks like a welcome mat with a puppy on it.

"You're thinking about her aren't you?"

"You know what, you ask too many questions"

"Maybe if you answer some, I won't ask as many"

I turned to face her a glare securely in place, but it disappeared when I saw her eyes, they were so filled with hope, hope for love, for happiness, even for forgiveness.

"I miss this, I miss you" she breathes, her face inching closer to mine

Her words pierce my chest and make me almost succumb to her love again, almost. I avoid her eyes which I know will make me break so I turn away from her and look at the bleeding sun instead.

"You have no right to miss anything that concerns me" I bite back, venom lacing my words, but she's used to this, so she takes it in her stride.

I feel her hand lay over mine, which in turn lay over my belly, the same belly that once held our child.

"Tell me" she coaxes "what worries you so?"

I have to stop myself from rolling my eyes at yet another question, but this time I decide to oblige as she inches closer to me, so close that my side is pancaked into her front and she's softly breathing into my hair.

"Today is her birthday, it has been 37 years and Emma, I'm just tired, I'm so very tired"

She pulls me closer silently encouraging me to go on, she knows this moment is rare, I have never spoken about our daughter in 37 years, choosing instead to lash out on the people closest to me or bottle up all my emotions until it exploded with the screaming masses of innocent villagers.

I turn towards her and grab the front of her dress, the material bunching up in my closed fist. Almost as if I were to rip her heart out like I did to countless others, but I press my ear to her chest and listen to the steady _thump, thump_ of her heart. I felt a soft press of lips to the top of my head and elaborated by statement.

"I'm tired Emma, tired of being angry with you, tired of not being able to be a mother, tired of not being able to be with you"

She squeezed me tighter, as if she were holding the pieces of me together "I know, I'm sorry"

"Remember the time" I began "when I had come running into your room after you had specifically told me not to disturb you unless it was really important?"

"yes" she confirmed "but you had come in and I was busy with… I was busy, so you didn't say anything; I had always assumed you were going to beg me not to give our daughter away"

"I wasn't, I … I was going to tell you that our daughter had a hole in her heart"

Emma pulled back from me and searched my eyes for a lie "Why didn't you tell me?" she asked when she found none.

I pulled away from her entirely and sat up against the headboard, the cool wood easing my muscles as I told my secret lover what I had hid from her all these years.

"Because" I continued "It seemed like you didn't care, all you worried about was your reputation and your kingdom, you-"

"I cared about you!" she interrupted, she was sitting up now, glaring at me with such force, I was sure it could burn a hole in my head.

I laughed at her intensity, a mocking laugh and I saw her features slink into confusion.

"You knew all those years ago, who I was, to you, to your family and yet you pursued me, made me love you, made me give you an heir and yet, you didn't even let me keep her. Then what did you do? Hmm? You shunned me, made it seem like everything was normal!"

"Regina, I did what needed to be done to keep or daughter safe, to keep you safe. Do you know what our parents would have done to the grandchild of their sworn enemies?"

"We loved each other, Emma, we could have fought through it, ran away together, anything! Wasn't I enough?"

"You wouldn't have been enough dead!" she bore her green eyes into me searching my soul for a crack, a small space that I may have left in my sanity to be continuing this conversation after so many years of avoiding it. Our secret love, our child and my irrevocable desire to be hers always there but never communicated.

Sensing the growing tension Emma dropped her gaze and reached for my hands instead, a small sigh escaping her lips. "Our daughter…" she trailed off

"Yes" I sighed, knowing that this topic would never be dropped now that I started it. I could feel the pressure on my hands increase as if to squeeze the information out of me. "When you left to make arrangements, for our daughters new parents, the nursemaids allowed me to hold her, even though you had told me not to"

"I didn't want you to get attached"

"I held her anyway" I cut her off, irritated at the interruption in my story I continued

"she wouldn't stop crying, but when I held her, Emma, it was like she just knew that I was her mother and she, Gods she was beautiful, a perfect combination of us both, dark hair, pink lips, round face and even a hint of your chin. I've never been happier" I could feel myself smiling, the memory of that day bringing a sparkle of wonderment to my eyes.

I looked up to see Emma's eyes shining with something akin to guilt and amazement, but her smile never wavered as she watched the once Evil Queen give her take on the one moment of motherhood she held to her name.

"but then" I began in a solemn tone "I realised that her heart was beating irregularly and she was short of breath, our baby was going to die and I have never felt so hopeless, but the lessons with the imp paid off, one thing he did right" I scoffed "was teach me how to remove a heart"

Emma's eyes widened at this and she sat up straight fearful and curious as to the next part of the tale.

"I gave our baby my heart, so that she may live a fulfilling life, even if it was away from me"

Emma's face fell and I could see her fitting the pieces together. Why I distanced myself from her so abruptly, why I didn't care about my reputation or regard for human life, why I started wearing black even.

"You have no heart" she whispered, edging closer to me and placing her hand where my heart should lie.

"No!" I snapped, making Emma move away from me abruptly "I have a heart, but it lies with my daughter"

I turned away from her and rose from the bed we made a home out of. I rubbed my hand over my heart feeling the ghost of a touch that Emma had left behind and turned to face her with the last bit of courage I had left.

"I want to see her"

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**A/N: Can you guess who Regina and Emma's daughter is? **

**All mistakes are mine as I don't have a beta, on that note let me know if you wanna go through the torture of being mine.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I am so terribly sorry for the incredibly late update, I didn't have my laptop until 3 days ago and as soon as I got it I wrote up this chapter for you. also thank you for all your favourites, follows and reviews. there's a flashback scene in here as well, because someone asked for it.**

**All mistakes are mine and disclaimer in chapter 1.**

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_I rubbed my hand over my heart feeling the ghost of a touch that Emma had left behind and turned to face her with the last bit of courage I had left. _

"_I want to see her"_

Emma looked at me with her mouth agape, eyes wide and disbelieving before she sucked in a deep breath. Snapping her mouth shut she steeled her jaw and lifted her eyes to meet mine in a duel we played many a times after our daughter was born, but this time I was not backing down.

"No." the answer was simple and expected, yet it cut like a knife into old wounds making them fresh and raw again.

"I told you what I had to do…" I began, a lump in my throat threatening to strain my voice further with the tears that promised to come.

Swallowing I met my love's gaze once more, her green eyes piercing through my resolve, the last of the fight I had left.

"Please" I begged then, the tears escaping my eyes and falling hard and fast onto my cheeks. A queen never begs, but as a mother I would do anything to see my baby again, to make sure she turned out alright and I'd be damned if I didn't try, as I had for the last 37 years to even catch a glimpse of her.

"Regina…" Emma started, a defeated argument in place, always the same things said back and forth between us, our love, our parents, our kingdoms, but never the child in question whom I yearn for.

"No!" I cut her off "Just no!"

She awoke from the bed to attempt to console me, her hands settling on my shoulders, a reassuring gesture of comfort. "Regina, look at me"

I have looked into those eyes a thousand times and fell in love with the truth that lay there every time she said no, it was too risky.

Emma had explained this to me over and over again during the first year of my daughter's birth, the importance of this kingdoms kin. What I didn't understand though, was why only Emma has been able to see her and I couldn't. It's not like I haven't searched high and low through this entire realm, for a beautiful growing girl.

I looked up anyway, unable to deny her request "You cannot see her, its-"

"-too risky" I finished for her stubbornly. "What I don't understand is why you've been to see her countless times, yet you forbid me from even glancing at a portrait of her!"

Emma sighed, her hands running up and down my shoulders, trying to keep my sanity intact, no doubt.

"There are solid reasons for everything Regina, even this… reasons you know nothing about"

"But-"Regina huffed

"No!" Emma scolded, her hands dropping to her sides "Your ignorance is your bliss, it's the one thing that keeps you happy, even if you feel you are miserable"

"If you trusted me enough to actually tell me why our daughter is not with me right now, maybe _you_ won't be so miserable"

Emma huffed, her lips forming into that famous pout. I had her cornered and she knew it, now if I played this right, I would finally get to see my baby.

"Tell me" I urged, intertwining our fingers innocently 'I will always be here to listen" I seduced. I knew all the right buttons and the gods be damned if I didn't use them.

"It's just…" Emma trailed off her hands squeezing mine lightly

"Just what, my love?" I instigated further, reeling her back in before she gets lost in her own thoughts and leaves me out of this conversation

"Back then, they would have got rid of her to cover up our affair, I sent her away only for that purpose …but now, they would kill her for an entirely different reason " Emma sagged under the admission

"I can protect her, keep her safe…_we _can keep her safe, as a family" I smiled longingly at Emma, the prospect of a loving family making green eyes pierce into my chocolate orbs

"You would be a family with me?" Emma asked tentatively, her features softening considerably

"I _am_ your family"

Waiting with baited breath I hoped the confident statement had hit home as hard as it should. I watched as Emma cupped my cheek and inched closer, her lips brushing mine, making my breath hitch. I hated that she could still make me feel like a teenager even after all these years.

"I love you" she whispered in the little space between us and closed the gap, her soft lips pressing to mine in an apology and promise.

My eyes were still closed and the breath from my lungs still held when she said the words I most wanted to hear "Yes, you can see her"

*FLASH BACK*

_Regina held onto Emma's hand, the grip turning the blonde's joints a brilliant shade of red. _

"_Just a little more" Emma urged, combing a piece of sweaty hair away from Regina's face. _

"_I can't" Regina begged "Make it stop, please Emma…it hurts" she cried leaning her head back against Emma's shoulder. The pain ripped through Regina once more, making her grind her teeth to hold in the scream that vibrated at the back of her throat._

"_Shh" Emma cooed, pressing soft kisses to her forehead "It will all be over soon, I promise"_

"_We're ready, your Highness" A small mousy girl informed Emma, her features contorted into something akin to shock and horror as the midwife lifted Regina's skirts to show the girl what crowning looked like._

_Emma nodded and wrapped her free hand around Regina's shoulders "You can do this, just breath and squeeze my hand, okay?"_

_Regina cried out in pain once more "I can do this" she ground out, pressing herself further into Emma's embrace._

"_Now, Your Majesty, whenever you are ready, I want you to take a few deep breaths and push" The midwife guided, as she sat on a small stool positioned between Regina's legs._

_Regina breathed heavily and then centred herself with three calming breaths, before clenching her jaw and pushing as hard as she could._

"_I can see the head!" the mousy girl squealed and looked at the couple. Regina just collapsed back into Emma, wanting to get this over and done with as quickly as possible._

"_How long is this going to go on for?" Emma asked angrily, stroking Regina's arm in an attempt to sooth her._

"_I know your beloved is in pain, Your Highness, but this is a process" the Midwife explained "About two more pushes shall do it" she rectified upon seeing Emma's scowl._

"_Two more big pushes, then we're done…just two more" Emma whispered into Regina's ear. Wiping her tears for Regina's pain on her shoulder, she squeezed the hand gripping hers in a gesture of comfort._

_Regina heaved and pushed again, this time using her magic to give her an extra burst of strength. A cry pierced the air and Regina fell back into Emma, completely exhausted._

"_It's a Girl! A beautiful Baby Girl!" The midwife exclaimed, joy radiating her features._

_Emma kissed Regina's hair and removed herself from behind her. She walked towards the gurgling mass and took her in her arms "She's so beautiful" Emma whispered in wonderment, taking in her dark hair and slightly chubby appearance. _

_A knock sounded through the room and Emma handed the baby back to the midwife, she smiled at Regina and answered the door to a burly man who whispered something into her ear._

_Emma turned around and glanced at Regina once more "Don't let her hold the baby" she ordered and walked out of the room._

_Regina gasped "No! I have to, please let me hold my baby!" she begged trying to sit up and move away from the hands who tended to her "I have to see her…" she cried_

"_I'm afraid I cannot do that, you heard her highness" the midwife said and handed the baby to the mousy girl "Clean her up and under no circumstances are you allowed to let Her Majesty see the child" the girl nodded in understanding as the midwife left the room with the rest of the people that tended to Regina._

_Regina burst into tears, unable to contain her grief any longer. The girl sighed when she heard the heart-breaking sobs, she knew that she wasn't as strong minded as the midwife, but she wasn't as cruel either._

"_I'll let you hold her" she said as she continued to clean the baby and wrap her in a blanket "Just don't tell anyone or they will have my head"_

_Regina looked up at the girl with a tear stained face and nodded "I promise"_

_With the still crying baby placed in her arms, Regina let silent tears fall down her cheeks "You are so perfect, my little princess…so beautifully perfect" she cooed and smiled when the baby opened her eyes to reveal coffee coloured orbs like her mother._

_Tugging at Regina's necklace the baby buried her face in her mother's arms and hiccupped softly, her crying coming to a stop. With a frown the sorceress felt her baby's forehead, then neck for a temperature. "She's boiling hot" _

_The mousy girl came running to her side "Are you sure?" she asked feeling the baby herself 'maybe, it is normal for babies to be this hot after birth?' _

"_Perhaps" Regina frowned_

_Suddenly the new-born wailed loudly and kicked at Regina throwing her head back "What's wrong? What did I do wrong?" she asked the girl desperately_

_Looking down at her child she saw a streak of red running down her nose. Blood. "No no no no no" she cried holding the baby up and closer to her, "This can't be happening"_

"_Your Majesty, you have magic, yes?" Regina nodded "Then use it to find out what's wrong. I will fetch the midwife in the meantime" the girl said hurriedly and rushed off_

_Regina concentrated and waved her hand over her daughter's body. A pale purple light shone over her tiny heart, with a small sob the brunette kissed her forehead, now knowing where the cause lay. Babies with heart problems never lasted, at least not in the time she's been alive._

_She plunged her hand into the baby's chest and held up the small heart, barely the size of her palm, which looked as if a ping pong ball burnt a hole right through it. "Oh my poor baby" she breathed placing the heart in an empty jewellery box on the bedside table "Mommy will make it better" she promised and pulled out her own pure red heart._

_Using her magic she shrunk the heart to the same size as her daughter's "Don't worry baby, this heart will grow with you, it will be yours" she said and pushed it gently into her daughter's chest._

"_And don't worry about mommy, because she won't feel a thing…no she won't" Regina cooed rocking her back and forth as she settled into a peaceful slumber, her temperature dropping back down to normal "It will be like how, when Rumpelstiltskin keeps hearts in a box and the people go one about their lives without a care in the world" she narrated, her voice soothing the child. _

"_You little one, are my box" she finished just as the midwife came back with the mousy girl and pried her daughter away from her arms, with threats of telling Emma about her insubordination if she didn't let go._

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**_Next chapter we meet the daughter_**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thank you for sticking to this story and reviewing, following and Adding this story to your Favourites. This Quick update is for all of you that waited patiently for me. **

**Disclaimer in chapter 1 and please enjoy.**

CHAPTER 3

_My eyes were still closed and the breath from my lungs still held when she said the words I most wanted to hear "Yes, you can see her"_

I opened my eyes to the quiet uttered words "_What_?" I asked breathily, a smile dominating my features

"Let's go see our daughter" Emma said squeezing my hands, a childish smile on her face. Gods she looked so much younger in this moment. It felt as if we were back 40 years ago, sneaking around in my parent's garden and sharing forbidden kisses, with only the blooming roses as witnesses.

Somehow, no matter how much I had dreamt of this moment, begged for it even, I was still bewildered at Emma's readiness and excitement to show me something she kept to herself for so long.

"_Now?"_ I asked disbelievingly, my eyes scanning her face for a prank she might have been pulling.

'Oh? I take it you don't want to go then?" she asked playfully, releasing my hands and taking a step towards the balcony.

Panic settled at the pit of my belly and I quickly aimed to rectify the situation "No, no, of course I want to see her"

Emma turned back to look at me, her face donning a frown "I know you do" she sighed, realising that it might have been a little too soon to joke with me about such a delicate matter.

Emma walked back towards me, her hands smoothing my frown "I can tell you so many things" she started, tucking a lock of hair behind my ear "To prepare you for what you're about to see, but if I know you" she looked at me pointedly "and I do, nothing is going to help, so I need you to stay close to me and be as calm as you can be"

I rolled my eyes at her lecture "Just because you have a mere ten years more than I do at this life, does not mean you know everything" I said stubbornly, the usual bite from it non-existent as my huge grin gave away my glee.

Emma chuckled, that old mischievous sparkle flashing in her eyes when she looked up at me "We shall see" she said mimicking my famous line.

I smiled at her and bent my head down to hide the steadily rising blush on my cheeks. "Can we go now or do you need to use the bathroom first?" I teased back, grabbing her hand and tugging her closer to me.

"I miss this Regina" I heard her say nostalgically, before she pressed her lips to my red stained cheeks "Ready?" she asked not waiting for my reply as she flicked her wrist, engulfing us in thick white smoke.

My head felt like it was being squashed into a vacuum and then let go and dropped from outer space. Coughing, I waved the smoke away and squeezed Emma's hand to make sure she was still there.

"Where are we?" I asked taking in the tall trees and dirt roads

"Far away from home" Emma said staring straight ahead "_Very far_"

Tugging me along, she pulled me onto one of the dirt roads and intertwined our fingers, slowing her pace so that we were walking comfortably side by side.

I sighed contently "If you wanted to hold my hand and walk through the forest, there are better ways of going about it, instead of using my daughter as leverage"

Emma looked at me and rolled her eyes playfully "I've held your hand before, in much more suggestive circumstances. Let's not forget how we got our daughter" she scoffed and winked at me

My cheeks grew hot once more, but from an entirely different reason. My mind took me back to those moments we were together, those sweet, sensual moments and then later on the rough kin-

"Regina?" Emma called shaking my arm and effectively ripping my thoughts away from places I vowed never to visit again.

"Yes?" I answered dryly, acting as if she was the one at fault and not me.

Emma's smile lit up her entire face as she moved closer to me. "What?" I asked, a smile plastered on my own face.

"Close your eyes" she whispered

On instinct I opened my eyes wider.

Emma chuckled and swiped her hand gently over my eyes, closing it with her fingers. "I said close, not open"

Her hands moved over my shoulders and around my neck, trapping me between her body and a tree she managed to slowly push me up against.

"Did you read my thoughts again?" I asked, eyes still closed and a small smile playing on my lips. Emma never failed to seduce me, even in my darkest days when all I wanted to do was rip her throat out, but now, she was here and she was willing to be a family, an honest to god proper family.

"Hmm" she hummed against my lips, her hands still moving over my face, her finger running down the scar on my upper lip "Just know I love you" she whispered, resting her forehead on mine "and anything that happens from here, doesn't change that"

I opened my eyes to see hers full of worry "I know' I whispered back "I love you too" I admitted and pressed my lips against hers in slow deliberate movements.

Pulling back Emma beamed at me and took a deep breath "She's right over there"

I turned my head in the direction Emma pointed at and scanned the few faces that walked about us at a distance.

"Where?" I asked pushing Emma off me and gripping her forearm.

"That one" Emma pointed

I followed her finger with my eyes and landed on a dark haired woman, with an elaborate dress and hair piled on the top of her head. She had people attending to her, people dressed in strange clothes and carrying various assortments of bags, which held things to maintain her appearance, no doubt.

"I can't see her face" I complained and attempted to walk towards her.

"Regina _wait_!" Emma called after me, yanking me back by my arm.

"That's my baby down there, I have to see her!" I cried, the importance of this moment finally hitting me like a ton of bricks "Let me go!" I yelled, pulling my hand free from Emma and running down the bank to my child.

Slipping a little, with my high heels and long tailored coat, I swiped at my tears and trudged down the mud slide. Only one goal in mind, to hug my daughter and sooth my aching heart.

A distant "_Regina_!" echoed in the background as I ran forward, pushing various people with neon orange vests away, that attempted to keep me at bay.

I reached the child I once held so close, now grown into a full woman and pulled her to face me. I couldn't help the gasp that escaped my lips, nor the tears that kept spilling down onto my cheeks.

I felt a sharp tug at my waist and then it was gone, I'm pretty sure I might have heard a crunch, but then another softer more familiar hand wove its way around my torso.

"This is her" Emma whispered in my ear, I suppose her anger at me, not obeying her specific instructions evaporated upon seeing my gaping mouth and leaking eyes.

I looked at the face before me and covered my mouth with my hand "My little princess?" I asked no one in particular as I faced a perfect reflection of myself.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thank you once again for everyone's favourite's, follow's and reviews. it's what keeps this story going for longer than the two-shot it was originally intended to be. For everyone who left a guest Review, a special THANK YOU goes out to you, as I couldn't personally thank you.**

**there is also a flashback scene, as to Regina and Emma's age when they first met. please note it was mentioned in the last chapter that Emma is 10 years older than Regina. **

**Disclaimer in Chapter 1 and please enjoy.**

CHAPTER 4

_I looked at the face before me and covered my mouth with my hand "My little princess?" I asked no one in particular as I faced a perfect reflection of myself._

*FLASHBACK*

_Regina stood in front of the floor length mirror and admired her reflection, she noticed startling differences in her appearance from the previous year. Turning around to get a better look, she sighed and remembered not to gaze into the shining metal for too long._

_Her birthday gift to herself every year was to allow the simple action of admiring her outer appearance. Ever since her aunt had told her the story of Narcissus, she had been afraid of falling in love with her own reflection, so as to prevent this occurrence she avoided mirrors until the day after her birthday, where she would gaze upon herself for a total of one complete hour._

_This year she had turned 16 and her form felt fuller, her cheekbones more defined and her chest rounder. This was the year that her parents would start the search for a suitable husband for the dark haired beauty, and a very lucky man they would make._

"_Regina, dear" Cora called, her smooth voice drawing Regina out of her thoughts_

"_Yes, Mother" she responded kindly, a small smile upon her face_

"_Today we have very special guests, I want you to be on your best behaviour, do you understand?" the older brunette asked, meeting Regina's gaze with warning_

"_Yes, Mother" she sighed following the tail of her mother's dress into the throne room, where several people awaited._

"_See that boy there?" Cora pointed "He is one of the most eligible bachelors in the kingdom, go dance with him sweetheart, keep him occupied"_

_Regina looked longingly at the table with pastries and treats, her mouth, watering at the sight of the savoury food she was never allowed to eat. Sighing she made her way over to the light haired boy and smiled at him, her pearly teeth shinning in the light_

"_Hello" she said with ease "I'm Regina, what's your name?"_

_The boy looked at her up and down before settling his face into a sneer "I've heard you climb trees, I don't like girls who climb trees"_

_Regina frowned "But its very fun, especially when you reach the top branch and everything looks so tiny beneath you" she explained excitedly_

"_Filthy girls pretending to be princesses shouldn't be allowed at balls, go along now, shoo" he waved a hand at her, disgusted at her very presence._

_Walking off angrily she swiped a pastry and made haste for the gardens before she did something, she might regret, like rip his bushy eyebrows off._

_Sitting down on the hidden bench in the garden with a huff and a slight pout, she took a bite of her pastry, the deliciousness of its crunchy exterior and smooth centre shifting her mood back to slightly happy._

"_Hello, May I join you?" a mature voice asked, making Regina jump out of her skin in fright._

"_Oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to startle you" Regina looked up to see a blonde haired woman, with a red dress, much like her own and smiling green eyes._

"_No, no" she said quickly, avoiding eye contact "I was just…" Regina trailed off, unable to fathom an excuse_

"_Eating pastries in the quiet, while you imagine the many ways to humiliate that tree hater?" she suggested. Taking a seat next to Regina with a chuckle "It's okay" the blonde reassured "Happens all the time"_

"_It does?" Regina asked piping up_

"_Oh yes, all the time, especially" she said, pausing to wipe some icing sugar of Regina's lower lip "To the good ones" she finished and brought the thumb up to her own lips, licking the powder away_

"_Who are you?" Regina asked dreamily, amazed at the woman's confidence and ease_

"_I'm Emma" she held out her hand "Emma Swan" _

*PRESENT DAY*

My heart thudded against my chest, the sound echoing in my eardrums, which made my vision swim _up, down, left, right._

There was no escape, there was no way out of this horrid nightmare. It was me.

All this time and it led back to me.

"_What have I done_?" I whispered, reaching back and gripping Emma's dress from over my shoulder "_What have I done_?" I asked again, slipping slowly to the floor, my hand trailing down the fabric of Emma's gown as if it held the answers and solutions to my woes.

"Regina?" Emma called, her voice sounding distant, even though she knelt beside me, her hands gripping at my wrists, trying to stop me from clawing at myself.

"WHAT HAVE I DONE!" I yelled, the sound vibrating against every crack and crevice, waking the atoms up, before bouncing back to me with a vengeance. The question sounded like a thunder clap, clearing out the little reprieve of my dulled senses away and making me painfully aware of everything around me.

With a choked sob I looked up, the figure I had so desperately needed to see, hovered over me, calling out to someone for assistance "Don't" I ground out as she made to touch my shoulder.

"Don't touch me" I begged, standing up on my own to show that I was still capable of handling myself. Turning around I faced the once love of my life.

"Thank you" I began "For doing this for me" I smiled at her coolly, swiping at my tears forcefully. "And thank you, for keeping this from me for all these years!"

The familiar red hot rage spilled into my being, the warmth providing a comfort Emma's love never could. This anger, this emotion, was permanent, whereas Emma's love wavered and changed with the currents.

"Regina, I need you to calm down, okay?" Emma said with her hands raised up in surrender "We can go home, talk about this maturely" she tried, but winced when she heard her own words.

"Maturely? You want to-"

"Hey you two!" A man called approaching me quickly "I don't care what problems you have, or whether this a weird fetish you want to play out, do me a favour and do it in your own time, now go on" He called angrily, a glare on his face "Shoo" he said, waving his hand at me dismissively.

"What did you say?" I asked evenly, my voice as cold as ice

"I said" he lowered his voice, talking slowly as if to a child "Shoo"

Emma visibly paled, her hands dropping to her sides as she watched me lift my hand up and squeeze the air around the man's neck.

"Regina! No!" she called

"Don't you DARE talk like that to me again!" I scolded, the man's life slipping between my fingertips as I pressed into his windpipe.

A small plea of "Stop!" sounded from behind me, with a slight tug on my free arm. Turning around to end the interferer's life, I came face to face with the same coffee coloured eyes that had looked up at me 37 years ago.

With a start I dropped the half dead man and looked down in shame. If anything I was more ashamed about the fact that my daughter's first memorable encounter with me had been pathetic and then scary. "I'm sorry" I said softly, hoping the child I bared would be as forgiving as I was angry.

Turning around fully to face her I saw fear marking her eyes, fright in the way her hands shook and curiosity in the way her nose scrunched to find the right words. She was every bit of me, as she was every bit of Emma.

"W…wha?" she tried and I couldn't help at smile at the lame attempt of speech, she may have come out looking and sounding exactly like me, but her mannerisms she inherited from the blonde who stepped beside me at an appropriate distance, weary of my temper.

"We have to go" Emma called inching further away from me, as had the other members of this strange village, when I had nearly choked that man to death.

"What?" I asked coldly

"You nearly killed a man, I think you've had enough for one day" she reasoned

"Oh yes, because you obviously know what's best for me" I scoffed "and look where it's gotten us" I looked at her pointedly, and then ignored her altogether, turning back to look again at my creation.

"Have you had a good life?" I asked, stepping closer to her

"Y-Yeah…I'm good now" she responded taking a step back

"And your family, did they treat you well?" I took another step closer, a smile on my face once more as happiness replaced the anger.

"I, uh…" she breathed looking from side to side, before giving up and planting her feet firmly on the ground, her face set into a blank expression "Yes" she said back confidently, her voice sounding far more regal than it had a few minutes ago "I have a family, I am very happy"

My chest swelled with pride at her fearlessness, her regal domineer and her confidence in who and what she was "I am so proud of you" I whispered, a few tears slipping down my cheeks as I stepped forward and engulfed her in a hug.

I heard a gasp sound from the body moulded with mine and hands encircle my waist, as I squeezed her to me and breathed her scent in. she smelt like home, a happy ending and love. She smelt like the daughter I wish I had fought harder for, the daughter I should have been better for, the little princess I should have been a mother for.

"I Love you so much" I confessed, with a tearstained smile "My little princess" I added with a feather light kiss to her cheek.

Emma watched from afar and dabbed her eyes with the hem of her dress "We have to go now Regina" she whispered pulling me away from my exact look alike

"No" I replied stubbornly, stroking back a few stray hairs from my daughters face.

"Regina I don't want to do this, but it's almost sundown, we have a kingdom to run and magic in this realm doesn't work at night" she explained tugging at my sleeve, effectively pulling me away from my daughter

"NO!" I cried kicking against Emma's strong hold and trying to reach out to my baby "You can't take me away from her, not now!"

"We have duties and responsibilities" Emma huffed against the brutal kicks to her shin

"_Nooo…"_ I cried as Emma flicked her wrist, the white smoke billowing up from our ankles, attempting to transport us back to our homeland "I have so many questions" I whispered against the heavy air.

"Wait!" the brunette called out, running towards us, her eyes wild and inquisitive "Who are you?!" she asked through the trees "What do you want?!" she tried again coming closer and closer to the white smoke, that seemed to slow down with every step she took towards us.

My head snapped up at the sight of my daughter running towards us, her staff following close behind with shouts I couldn't hear. One last question I allowed myself, as the smoke reached my neck, pulling me already into the vortex that would drag me back into the hell hole I called home.

One last question.

"Tell me" I began, my eyes tracing every contour of her being, trying to memorize this exact moment "What is your name, little one?"

She stopped about an arm's length away from me and breathed in deeply, her mind trying to understand the scene playing out in front of her.

The smoke had reached my eyes by then, my consciousness already being ripped away when I heard the simple rushed shout of _"Lana!"_ reach my ears.

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**A/N: Yes Missmerrymak, your theory was correct!**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I know this is incredibly late, but it has been a struggle month with University, but I will try to make updates at least once in two weeks. here is a filler/Flasback Chapter, focusing on Baby Lana &amp; Mommy!Emma**

**Please Note: I do not own anything or know for that matter of Lana Parrilla's life or parents, all this is fictional, only Names have been used, everything else is NOT REAL.  
**

_The smoke had reached my eyes by then, my consciousness already being ripped away when I heard the simple rushed shout of "_Lana!"_ reach my ears._

CHAPTER 5

_Dolores and Sam Parrilla sat uncomfortably in the war room, where various maps and figures adorned the walls and tables._

"_Why are we here?" Dolores whispered in her husband's ear, one eye trained on their two year old daughter Deena, who busied herself with the little figurines on the other side of the room._

"_Patience, Dolores" he whispered back, squeezing her hand reassuringly, trying to offer her some sort of comfort._

_Dolores let out a heavy sigh and leaned into her husband's touch, it was nerve wrecking to be summoned so abruptly by Her Highness herself, with demands to pack most of their belongings and make sure their small family was intact, before arriving to meet her presence._

"_Yes that will be all" Emma's tired voice said, as she took the sleeping baby in her arms and carried her inside the room where two eager pairs of eyes looked at her with a hooded fear. "Oh I haven't called you here to punish you" She said irritably, rocking the baby back and forth._

_Dolores clenched her jaw and squeezed Sam's hand in both fear and relief, if her Highness didn't want to punish them, then what did she need them for?_

_Emma smoothed back the baby's hair and nodded at the toddler who attempted to chew on a chess piece "she's got-" was all she managed to say before Sam had bolted from his chair and removed the dangerous object from his daughter's hands, replacing it with one of her toys_

"_Sorry" he said carrying the dark haired child and placing her on his lap as he sat down to pay attention to Emma once more "The children, they must come first" he offered up in explanation of his abrupt movement across the room._

_Stunned Emma nodded in understanding and smiled softly at her child, yes she had made the right choice. This family would raise her daughter to be free and happy, both things she couldn't give her right now._

"_You're probably wondering why I called a swordsman and painter here today?" she asked looking up at them once more, noting that the atmosphere in the room darkened once again_

"_Yes, Your Highness" they responded respectfully_

"_As you know, her majesty and I are not to be together…she is to be wed in the coming spring to, King Leoplod …my father" she said softly, swallowing the lump in her throat. Her precious sister Snow White had caught them in a compromising position a few months back and the secret of their affair had reached her mother's ears faster than she could fasten her shoelaces, Queen Eva died of a heart attack that very evening, leaving Emma and Snow motherless against the world._

_Queen Cora had no qualms in seizing the opportunity, throwing her 17 year old daughter at the king like a pimp on Friday's. Emma had never been so heartbroken when she heard about the news, that her lover would be her stepmother. _

_Of course Regina had insisted they run away together, but Emma being the first born had a responsibility, she… she had the guilt of her mother's death weighing down on her, that sorrow that the kingdom and her father didn't have their Queen, all because of her. She had to stay, to take her mother's place, to make her proud and most importantly to ease her tortured soul._

"_We understand, but what does this have to do with us?" Dolores asked irritably, her hand squeezing Sam's, when Emma shot her a glare "Your Highness" she added quickly afterwards_

"_I need you to be what you have always been, and that is loyal to me and this kingdom" she began, the baby gripping her finger as she spoke. Emma's green eyes were glued to the child, memorising her every detail "I need you to take my child as your own, raise her, feed her, clothe her…" the blonde choked up a little, her hand bringing the little fingers up to her lips so that she kissed it softly "..Love her"_

_Sam's eyes widened, his knee jerking making Deena squeal with delight at the movement "Horsey!" the little girl demanded and patted her father's knee, to which he complied wordlessly and bounced her, making the room echo with her giggles "R-Raise her? But she's a princess, she's…. so important to both kingdoms, I'm sure the King wouldn't be opposed to uniting the two kingdoms which have been in war for so long like this" He said, trying to understand why Emma would give her daughter up_

_Raising her eyebrows at the man's audacity she looked at him and let out a small sigh. He was right, all this would be solved so easily, but Cora would do anything to make her daughter the queen, she wouldn't even hesitate to kill her own grandchild. The problem wasn't that if Regina married Emma, she wouldn't become Queen, the blonde was next in line anyways, it was a matter of principle, Cora and Leopold had been at each other's throats ever since they were young lovers and Cora had taken a fancy to the dashing Cuban Prince Henry in the few months Leopold had been away. He has hated her ever since and she has despised him since he brought home a heavily pregnant Princess Eva a few weeks later. Perhaps they loved each other too much? Thank the heavens they were not married, or Regina would have never been born._

_there was a fine line between love and hate with them, and what better way to extract revenge on each other's unfaithfulness by marrying a young girl, having his way with her and making her cry to her mother about the horrors of marriage? And what better way to get the kingdom she was denied by letting her offspring have it through that very marriage? It might have been the only thing they agreed on since the time of Emma's birth._

_It was a sick and twisted game "Your Highness?" Dolores probed, waking her from her deep brooding_

"_Let's just say that between my father and Lady Cora this child is not safe at all, she's still my daughter, I want the best for her" Emma said sadly and walked over to Dolores, placing the child in her arms "Take good care of her.." she whispered, her tears finally falling, one landing on the baby's blanket, she was halfway out the door when Sam called her back "Your Highness wait!"_

"_What is it?" she asked, not turning back, knowing that if she did, she would probably take her daughter back and lock her up in a tower or worse "What shall we call her?"_

_Stumped by the question Emma turned around and looked at the couple, watching as the toddler already poked at the baby, intrigued, a naughty smile on her face "Lana…" she whispered._

_Perking up Dolores and Sam looked at the Princess, curious as to why she had chosen that name "Because where I am sending you…it's a different realm altogether, she will be the thread that combines us and you, The Enchanted Forest with the Land without Magic" she smiled, her eyes watching as Lana pulled and pushed at her blanket "But right now she's still a little raw, unrefined, she's not ready to be that thread, she's just… pure, like wool"_

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**_A/N: Next chapter, we Deal Directly with Lana and her cast, there may be a few surprises in store!_**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

* * *

It felt terrible, absolutely horrible that I had to be restrained once Emma brought me back to the castle, trying desperately to calm me down, whispering nonsense in my ear to reassure me that perhaps everything was not as it seemed. There was still hope and I wanted to believe it, to cling onto the notion that perhaps the entire thing wasn't only my fault, that _Emma_ had a hand in it too, even if she did everything in order to protect the daughter that I didn't want to let go in the first place.

I couldn't really blame her, couldn't pin anything on her besides the fact that she neglected to tell me where my daughter was, whether she was safe, whether she was alive even and that thought had my soul burning with fury, a rage that often destroyed everything in its path until it was satisfied with the doom it reigned upon those who dare wake it up, but with much difficulty I had managed by some fate or whim to pull myself together and push away the hands that tended to me until many minutes later, we were finally alone.

"You should have told me" the words were out faster than I could comprehend, but the look on Emma's face had told me she was expecting it anyways and for once I wished she had a valid reason besides it being _'__too risky'_. I was tired of the risk, of the danger that I caused my child without knowing and if I had any say in the matter I would have kept Lana (Gods what a beautiful name) with me safe and sound away from Leopold, though it would have been difficult, I'm sure I could have managed it.

"I was scared" the words were whispered into my temple, and I tried not to squirm at the closeness of the woman who still thought she could worm her way into my missing heart after such a big deceit. I couldn't handle her suffocating ways, the smooth velvet like method in which she would sneak into my room late at night once her father had done what he wanted and cleaned me up, remorse on her face, but otherwise no offer to help me escape the life I had been tossed into. "You lied" I shot back, pushing her away from me even when I wanted to cling to her, to hold her close like I had done when we were younger, far more innocent and happier than we were now, but instead I stood my ground like the Evil Queen that I was, because this **person** that I had morphed into over the years with a missing heart had served me well enough to protect what fragile emotions I still had left and Gods I needed strength to face the woman who had no excuse after thirty seven years of hiding as to why she had let me reign terror upon all those who had dared defy me when all I had wanted was my secret lover.

"I lied to you yes!" she snapped, making my head jerk back in surprise because no matter what I did, no matter how much I had done in my life of misery, she had been the one calm in the storm I had managed to conjure with a simple look of distaste that would have guards pull their swords out of their sheath and slice the throats of all those in sight "I lied because you would have reacted worse than you are now! You would have torn this kingdom apart if you knew and then… then you would have made me bring our daughter back here and had her live like a princess under your thumb" Emma sniffled a little and I couldn't help but nod along with her words because that would have been my wishes and Emma would have known better than to disobey them

"You could have told me, you could have brought her back, you…" I took a deep breath because if I didn't, the already flickering fireplace would have burst up until it licked the castle walls in a true testament of my fury "We could have been a proper family"

"And what then?! It took you fourteen years to kill my father and then Snow-" I clenched my jaw at that name because if Snow White hadn't told her mother about our affair then Queen Eva would still be alive and I wouldn't have married Emma's father like some sort of prize "you drove her out and our child was already settled in that world, she had friends, a life we could have never given her among the carnage of war" She was right and by the pleading look in Emma's eyes, I knew she had done everything for the right reasons, although by the time I had properly regained my senses about the child I had lost and began to speak of her, it had been far too late for a thirty year old to come into a world that was completely different from the one she had already grown in.

"I deserved to know her, to see her, you took my right away from me!" my finger stabbed the air at Emma's chest, emphasising the point I didn't have to make because had Emma included me then perhaps I wouldn't have been so Evil, but simply a queen… I would have been a mother, one that was connected to her child in more ways than one and maybe if I had opened my mouth earlier about the heart that I shared with my daughter then perhaps I would have been allowed to take an active role in my child's life, although if I kept considering the possibilities, the mistakes and choices that were not made, it would never rewind time and Emma no matter how powerful she was could not tamper with the one thing that was to remain the same

"I'm sorry, but I did what I thought was right" she sighed and I could see the way she looked at me, all begging and pleading and apologetic all at once "And I was selfish, because if my father had you, then I had Lana and I didn't want to share that part of you with anyone" clenching her jaw to stop the tears, I had restrain myself not to cup that cheek and smooth the muscle out with soft kisses and reassuring words because I was _supposed_ to be angry, I was supposed to hate Emma for this, yet I loved her so much it hurt.

"I will never forgive you" I whispered in the space between us, standing up straight, looking utterly defeated because that was how I felt**: hopeless.**

Looking up with a jerk, I saw swirling green eyes become red rimmed and then Emma was gone in a plume of white smoke that carried with it a heart breaking sound of sobbing that was soon echoed in my own shaking shoulders.

She broke me. She took the thing I loved most and made it my weakness when it could have been my strength and my darling little princess, no matter how small I saw her to be had grown up into someone that looked far too much like me, far too independent and happy for her to need me any one bit. She had a mother, one Emma had provided her with and for the first time since I had given birth to my little girl did I feel remorse for taking that herb that had eradicated any hope of conceiving again… I already had a child, or so I thought.

* * *

**-Flash back-**

_"__What are you doing?" she asked, skipping down the path to find Emma seated at their usual bench, book in hand and a chemistry set out on the stone table, while she read with a frown adorning her beautiful features "Hmm?" she responded, not really listening to what the young princess had to say, but did offer her a small smile when she glanced up to take in the pretty form of pale blue and long flowing hair._

_Giggling, Regina walked forwards toward the blonde woman whose usually loose curls were pinned up, giving her ample room to distract the older princess with mischievous kisses to her neck "I asked" she paused her kisses to wrap her arms around the princess, letting her chin rest on a pale shoulder "What is it that has my princess so enamoured, that she cannot spare a glance for me in this beautifully lit day?" That seemed to get Emma's attention enough to lean up and capture Regina's lips in a soft kiss and breathe out a sigh when she realised that staring at the book for any longer was not going to make the potion any more perfect._

_"__I love you very much" Emma stated, tugging on one of Regina's hands to pull the now seventeen year old on her lap, cradling her form like she was the most precious thing to have existed "And one day, I want to make you my wife, but in order for me to convince the council that I can indeed marry a woman, I need to show them that I can produce and heir of my own blood"_

_Regina frowned at this, but continued to gently stroke Emma's cheek, urging her to go on, because as much as she already knew this in the last year since they had started their love affair, she also knew the reality behind their situation wasn't as rosy as they made it out to be in the privacy of their gardens "This potion is supposed to allow the woman who takes it to be fertile enough to allow my magic to conceive with her, but I'm not sure it works" and perhaps it was Regina's childish notion to always please Emma that her actions were compulsive and not without consequences, but the sadness she saw on her lover's face had her sigh in exasperation._

_"__Look at me" Regina urged, pulling Emma's face up by her chin so that she could look into those beautiful green eyes "I love you and this potion… It will work, I promise you" Using her own magic that Emma had been teaching her slowly but surely, Regina let the clear blue liquid dangle between her finger tips before she tossed the vial back and drank every last drop "Hmm… bubblegum"_

_"__Regina what did you do?!" Emma screeched, yanking the vial from her fingers to look into the clear glass, but only managed to confirm that the potion was gone and that Regina had done something utterly childishly foolish "Making sure no one else has your child and also proving that the potion works, or doesn't work"_

_"__What if you get pregnant?!"_

_"__Then we will deal with it… we can make a deal, my mother knows magic, she can sense that the child will be yours and then we can be together forever"_

_"__And what if it doesn't work?" Emma asked softly, suddenly sounding saddened even as she let Regina press her lips against hers "Then we have a good time" the teenager answered easily, letting her fingers tangle in the light tresses of her lover's hair while she pulled them in for a passionate kiss that turned into much more than that._

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A/N: I have no excuse other than I did not have muse, although I am currently editing this story because wow, the grammar- who let me publish this? But thank you guys for sticking with this story for so long and sorry for taking an insane amount of time updating


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